The Wild Dingleberries
by The 6ft Dick 2.0
Summary: The Thornberry family goes on an adventure they'll never forget.


The Wild Dingleberries

By the 6ft dick

It was another day in the African savanna. The Thornberry's shitty Breaking Bad meth lab rv rolled down the dusty road they were on. Marianne had one hand on the wheel and the other hand on the stick shift (Nigel's dick) while they were searching for the content of their next documentary. The documentary was going to be called "Dungbelievable: The genitalia of the African Dung Beetle." The thought of dung beetle dong got Nigel all hot and horny. "Oh, Marianne," he purred. "My balls are bluer than Papa Smurfs scrotum. I want you to put it in second gear and hit as many potholes as you can." With that, Marianne spit in her hand, grabbed his willy, and hit the gas.

The meth wagon barreled down the road, hitting every bump and pothole they could. In the back, Jesse Pinkman was trying to make a fresh batch of meth. "Fuck yeah, this batch is going to be dop…." Suddenly, the meth wagon hit a giant pothole, causing Jesse to drop and break one of his beakers. "Yo, slow it down BITCH!" he yelled. Marianne, currently off her meds, drove the meth wagon right into a giant termite mound. The accident caused Nigel's pecker to break in half since Marriane was gripping it tighter than the jaws of life. Nigel, ever the rugged outdoorsman, ejaculated so hard that he actually created a new termite mound in place of the one they just destroyed. "Oh Marianne" he cooed, "that was ravishing". Marianne, miserable in her marriage replied "You know what's not ravishing? Your giant Jew nose and uncircumcised cock." Nigel replied, "Oh, you're a frisky bird, aren't you?" Marianne rolled her eyes and screamed "Everyone out of the bus NOW!" All of the other Thornberry's (Eliza, Debbie, Donnie, and Darwin) awoke, a little confused from last night's wild bender with Jesse. "Where the fuck are we?" Debbie moaned, as she awoke from her stupor. "We probably crashed in the middle of the Savanna because poor daddy needed a tuggie." Eliza said. "I fucking hate my life and my family" Debbie exclaimed as she slit her wrist ever so gently. Debbie had a knack for being an emo little bitch. "So dad," Eliza asked as they made their way out of the broken down meth wagon "what are we doing here?" "Well deary," Nigel said Britishly "we're out here hoping to catch a glimpse of the dung beetle's genitalia for our latest documentary." Although Nigel was fresh out of cream, the thought of filming a "dong-beetle" made his whitey tighties get a little more white, tight, and wet.

As the gang packed up their things to find the dung beetle, Jesse stayed behind to "guard" the wagon (cook drugs). Jesse, still pissed about his broken beaker and hating the Thornberry's in general, decided he was going to make a bad batch of drugs for them. To do this, Jesse decided he would piss in his latest concoction he was making for the family. Jesse thought his bodily fluids were radioactive and pissing in their drugs would be enough to get rid of them. Unfortunately, he was right on those assumptions, and his urine caught an open flame from a burner and caused an explosion that took out himself and the wagon. The gang was not very far away when the explosion happened and they raced back as fast as they could to see what had happened. Nigel and Marianne were shocked at the sight of the smoldering meth van; especially since they were planning on blowing up the van with their children in it next week to claim their life insurance policies. They played it cool, however, and took a mental note to come up with a new strategy. The smoldering van made the kids extremely pissed because their "escape fund" (money that could be used to escape from their bat shit parents), which totaled $47 was gone. Eliza began to break down as she remembered what she had to do for that money…*Eliza's memory flashed back to a gorilla plowing her from behind while holding on to her pigtails for better balance and thrust.* Yes, Eliza whored herself to animals for money. The gang regrouped, said goodbye to their van and Jesse's crispy corpse, then took off on foot.

After hours of hiking and searching for dung beetles with no luck, the Thornberry's decided it was time to rest for the evening. Nigel quickly pitched a tent and motioned for Marianne to meet him in the bushes. One of Nigel and Marianne's favorite role plays was Nigel pretending to be a rhino and Marianne pretending to be a poacher hunting for his horn. As they rushed off for rumpus time, he told the children to pitch the actual tent and build the campsite. Eliza, fed up with doing the dirty work, decided that she wanted to go off on an adventure on her own. "Mom and Dad are really pissing me off, and I don't think it's right we have to do all their dirty work." Eliza said, obviously frustrated. "I'm going to do some exploring of my own, and maybe film something cool on my GoPro. Does anyone want to join me?" she asked. Donnie made some weird pelvic thrusts which meant "yes", and Darwin shoved a banana up his ass which also meant "yes". "What about you, Debbie?" she inquired. "Ugh, walking sucks and so do you Eliza!" Debbie bitched. Being the edgy teen she was, Debbie ran off screaming only to startle a Bull Elephant and get trampled. Unbothered by what they just saw, Eliza, Donnie, and Darwin took off.

The trio had been gone for a couple of hours and the only thing they saw was a chameleon trying to clean its balls. "I'm not gonna lie" Darwin said, "I thought there would be more of my kind out here." "Don't worry Darwin, we're bound to come across some chimps soon." Eliza reassured him. Right after she finished her sentence, Eliza noticed Donnie had taken a shit and began wiping his ass with some random piece of paper. "Donnie, what the fuck are you wiping with?" Eliza wondered. "DfgYGDSFbjsdf JSDfjHSDfhSI" Donnie replied. "No Donnie, that's not the receipt for my 18" double-sided dildo. Nice try, though." Eliza retorted. Eliza picked up the shit covered paper and was surprised at what she saw. This was no ordinary paper, this was actually a poster that read "Cum One Cum All, Cum to the 2020 Chimp Orgie, Hosted by Dr. Jane Goodall." "Darwin!" Eliza shouted, "Read this poster!" Darwin, acting like he was on his period responded "I can't read you four-eyed fuck, I'm a chimp." Eliza, holding back tears replied "It's an invitation for a chimp orgie, and I thought you might be interested." Darwin's primal instincts came through and he got a raging boner. "Where? Where the fuck is this orgie happening?" Darwin asked, sweating profusely. "It says it's at Dr. Goodall's secret lair, and the directions say it's about a half-mile from here." Eliza explained. Darwin, harder than a blood diamond said "I'm ready to jizz in some snizz, let's double-time it." They headed off to the lair.

After walking for what seemed to be a half-mile, the gang came across a cave with a padlocked wooden door and a sign that read "Knock three times for entrance to the party". Darwin, unbelievably horny, used his shlong as a battering ram and busted down the door. There was loud music and chimps fucking everywhere. The gang was greeted by a chimp in a butler outfit. "How may I be of service?" The chimp asked. Darwin uncontrollably screamed "I'M READY TO FUCK!" "As you wish" the butler chimp replied. The butler chimp gave Darwin an admission bracelet, ecstasy, and some glow-sticks. Darwin ripped off his clothes and dived dick first into a pile of chimps. Although Eliza didn't want to fuck any chimps, she was thrilled that she might get to meet one of her childhood heroes, Dr. Jane Goodall. "Excuse me, Mr. Chimp?" Eliza said. "Would it be possible to meet Dr. Goodall?" "Of course" the chimp replied. "Follow me". Eliza looked back and saw Donnie entertaining himself by fucking a used banana peel and sucking the titties of a full grown orangutan. Eliza, reassured of her friends well-being, followed the chimp up a spiral staircase.

Eliza and the chimp reached a giant gold plated door, where the chimp knocked three times. "Come in" said a heavy male voice. Eliza, a little confused and aroused asked the butler chimp "Is Dr. Goodall okay?" The butler chimp smiled and said, "Why don't you see for yourself." Eliza sheepishly walked in only to see a giant throne facing one way mirrors overlooking the orgie. "Dr. Goodall?" Eliza peeped. "Welcome" the deep voice responded. With that, the throne turned around and Eliza was struck with fear. Standing before her was none other than Joseph Kony. "Hahahaha" he bellowed. "What do you think of my newest scheme?" "What the fuck is this?" Eliza remarked. "This is the new revolution. I'm getting rid of child soldiers and replacing them with chimps!" Eliza, disturbed, replied "Why? What made you want to go for chimps?" "It's easy" Kony replied. "Children are annoying, and they don't provide the "sexy" factor I'm looking for. Chimps, on the other hand, make me want to spank my monkey!" Kony made a fist and literally started whaling on his groin. He couldn't help it, chimps really melted his wax. Kony finally got a grip on his hormones and continued, "Anyway, that's when I had the idea to pose as Jane Goodall, and have people send chimps my way. Once they got here, I fed them bananas laced with heroin and ecstacy, and let them fuck day and night. They are loyal, and they give great blow j…." Before he could finish his sentence, the real Jane Goodall smashed through the roof and landed in front of him. Kony immediately became frightened, pissed his pants and shrieked louder than Michael Jackson at an 8 year olds pool party. Jane, un-phased said "You Kony, I Jane" and snapped his neck. Eliza, now extremely turned on, said "Dr. Goodall! That was amazing! I'm so glad you saved me and the chimps and took out that monstrous piece of shit!" Dr. Goodall gave a quick smirk. "That son of a bitch thought he could take my idea and do it better than me. Well, he thought wrong, and that mother fucker had to pay." Eliza, not quite as turned on, replied "Wait, you wanted all of this to happen?" "Of course I did!" Dr. Goodall exclaimed. "People are fucking fools. The only decent things on this planet are me and chimps. That's why me and all of these chimps are going to rule the world!" Eliza, now completely flaccid said "No! No, this can't be true! I'm getting out of here, and when I do, me and my dad are going to make a documentary about this and prove that you're a phony!" As Eliza headed toward the door, she felt a pinch on her neck and became extremely moist in her loins. The butler monkey had stabbed Eliza with a heroin, ecstasy, viagra combo. "You're not getting out of here, Eliza" Dr. Goodall said with a crazy look in her eye. "In fact, you're going to be "taking care" of my sanctuary from now on. And the first order of business will be trimming the hedges." Dr. Goodall said while slowly undressing. Eliza, Donnie, and Darwin were never seen or heard from again.

After hours of burying the ostrich head in the hole, Nigel and Marianne returned to the campsite. The tents remained unpitched, the food remained unpacked, and Debbie's corpse began collecting flies and was being mutilated by vultures. Nigel, never to miss a beat, said "Well it looks like these early birds got the worm!" Nigel looked at Marianne and started raising his eyebrows up and down quickly. Marianne, fed up with Nigel's bullshit, packed up her bags, and left, dying in the heat about 3 hours later. Nigel found a dung beetle next to Debbie's corpse after she shat herself from being trampled and finished his documentary.

The End


End file.
